I Am Wondering

 

I had to parallel park last Friday when I voted early. I shocked myself when I executed it perfectly because the last time I did it was when I took my driver's test. Normally I try to squeeze into the open spot head first. Two stars for me that day, the first for my perfectly performed parallel parking job and the second for voting Democrat across the board.

I am 58 years old.

I remember when the Vietnam War finally came to a close and, while looking down my street from my bedroom window, wondered why there weren't parades celebrating it like we did when WWII ended.

I remember sitting on the rug in front of the TV watching Nixon announce his resignation. Looking to my left at my mother in the kitchen, I wondered why she wasn't watching it, too. I knew what was happening was important, even though I didn't understand all of it.

Now, I am sitting at my desk at home wondering how a mad man, an unstable TV personality, is the President of the United States. I am wondering how he is getting away with spewing vitriol the same way a male cat sprays his territory. It stinks and it is all around us.

The press, the protectors of the people and the searchers of truth, are being called the enemies of the people and yet the band plays on. Innocent minorities are being murdered by guns and others are threatened by Improvised Explosive Devises. Hateful white nationalists commit atrocious acts because of the leader of our country's hate-filled speeches.

When I was young, I complained to my mother that Billy, the boy next door, was calling me names. She taught me the rhyme, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me." She said to say that to back to him every time he did it. Not the best parenting advice, but she did her best. I wondered why she thought it would work when each time I felt the sting inside of me because of his name calling.

Words matter. "The pen is mightier than the sword." They are sent out of our mouths with energy and affect the listeners. Words contain a unique power, greater than fists.

I am 58 years old and I am wondering how will this spiral of hateful, invective, and manipulative language will end. The President is filled with puss and disease and with his words he is spreading it to those that are vulnerable, weak, and without an immune system.

What is it going to take to make it stop? I wonder.

So I met this guy

I went out on a "date" last night. This is a serious question. At this point in my life, are only damaged men available? They've made wrong choices and have the injuries to show for it. Either their wounds are fresh and they want a woman friend to doctor them or their scars are thick and they only want sex.

Last night we met at the theatre and saw "A Star is Born" with Lady Gaga and Bradley Cooper. The music was fantastic along with the acting. As always, Bradley was very easy on the eyes and Gaga is beautiful. But, the story line sucked. I never saw the 1976 version of the movie with Barbra Streisand and Kris Kristofferson because, frankly, I don't like either one of them. 

Back to last night and my so-called date. When the guy you are with only talks about how he is recovering from a bad marriage to a woman that has a personality disorder, in my head I am thinking, "Here we go again!" 

I listened. I gave advice. I taught him what I knew. I feel for the guy, but come on, Universe. Why are you putting yet another man in this situation in my path? I should get paid for this. He said he had a few friends tell him he should get help in the form of a therapist. I told him I agreed. He said, and I quote, "Why should I? I can talk to you." *sigh* I chuckled and replied, "I know this isn't what you want to hear, but think it would help you. Plus, I'm not licensed."

As we said our goodbyes in the parking lot, I assured him that this is a friendship on my side, too. He gave me a glowing review about me as a person and human being in general. I walked the short few feet to my car, got in, started it, and said out loud to the Universe, "Seriously? You give me another one. Where is my reward? When do I get to win?" And with that short bitch session, I drove home.

My experience at Detwiler's farmers market earlier in the day probably didn't help. There was a couple that had a long debate together, blocking my view of the self-serve meat section and then, the cheese section. In grocery store time, it was forever! Was it really necessary to have a 3 minute discussion together on what pre-packaged lunch meet to buy? Then move your cart and your 2 large bodies to the cheeses and hold another meeting on what cheese was the best? Get off of my route, please. 

I finally got away from them, only to end up with another couple blocking the milk section. I swear. She was kissing his cheek telling him she was sorry and then he kissed her back speaking sweet nothings to her as they snuggled. In the grocery store. Blocking the milk. Not moving. I wanted to scream to them to stop the PDA and get out of my way. Instead I invaded their space and they moved a few inches and resumed G-rated shopping.

I don't begrudge anyone happiness. It's great! There is so little of it so please, make the best of it. Just let me grocery shop in peace and be aware of others around you. It's my world, too.

So, what am I trying to say? What's my point? I think you get it without me spelling it out.