So I don't know who I am. I know I am repeating myself. I'm not sure I have relayed to you as deeply as possible what that means.
It is talking and then realizing that you didn't know you would say that. It is acting on feelings and not knowing why you are being so extreme or at the other end, why you don't care. It is fighting anxiety on a level you never knew before.
The brain is magnificent and delicate. It is amazing and intricate so when it is even slightly damaged, it is unlike any other destruction. Someone having had a stroke is understood. Another dealing with the ravages of Alzheimer's is understood. But a closed head injury is something that few understand.
Sometimes I want to cry, but since the accident that is very difficult for me to accomplish. I don't stay on one emotion long enough or feel it deeply enough. Like a ghost slipping past me in the night, tears come and then swiftly dry up.
Meditation has become my cool water in the heat of the day. It relieves the anxiety and soothes me. It helps me clear my head of the noise. The music of my medication CDs gently drifts in, around, and through my tired brain bringing it peace and comfort. I fall asleep into a meditative state. I wake up refreshed, freed from anguish. I understand myself better but I know it will happen all over again.
If you are cold, move closer. My body heat will warm you up.
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