Removing Attachments

"The healing is then your job, instead of becoming offended by these deep soul divulges; you dive deeper into the relationship with yourself (not fixing the other person) to see what the root of the pain is from. It is also your partner’s job to do the same."  To read the whole article copy and past the link below into your browser:

http://thespiritscience.net/2014/07/26/how-to-remove-attachments-to-past-relationships/

I was in the same type of relationship the author describes.  It was the best and the worst.  It was the brightest and the darkest.  He and I both felt an immediate tie to each other and we never permanently let go through the very high ups and the very low downs.  I never felt love for another deep inside my soul as I did with him.  I never knew such profound peace and complete pain with another human being.  He and I were mirrors for each other.  So many times we reflected back the good and the bad.  Because of him, I became the true me.  Because of him, I changed my life's path by becoming honest with myself and chipping away at the caked-on blinders that inhibited me from really seeing.  My life is so much better for having known him.  

I learned a great deal and for that I am deeply grateful to him but I had to cut the cord.  The pain of breaking it off with him was phenomenal and more intense than I had ever experienced.  It would flood my brain, burn my soul, and cause me to feel physically depressed.  I can understand why, as the author noted, some turn to drugs or alcohol to numb the pain caused by it.  The agony was crippling at times and there was no question that I had to free myself from it.

I didn't cut the cord the way described by the author but it was a conscious effort for me and on multiple occasions I had to stop what I was doing to reject his psychic reaching out to me.  I had learned what I was meant to know and even though the relationship had been pared down to friendship, it still was poisonous.

I am finally not angry with him anymore or feel hurt when he crosses my mind.  Not that long ago I found that I could wish him love and wellness.  I want him to find peace because he deserves it and needs it.  Just not with me.

What Could Have Been Wasn't

If I cry one more tear for you
I will have to beat myself up
Until my eyes are swollen shut
And I have blood dripping from my ears.

If I think of you one more time
I will perform the surgery on my own brain
With a sharp knife I can cut out that piece that remembers
And with it gone I can again be whole.

What could have been wasn't
And I will never go back
My ankles would have to turn
So that my feet faced behind me.

The melody is fainter
The road grows smaller in my rear view mirror
I left the party after I fell
When you twirled me and let go.

It is you I still miss

Folding clothes from the dryer
On the bed with the dog
And his toy

Thinking about one and a half years ago.

Two and a half years ago was the start
I never wanted to part
My soul would tear in two
And bleed when not with you.

The dog walks on the clean shirt
I throw the toy, what a good boy.

Your arms were my nest
The place I found rest
From the outside world of noise.

Then the whole thing changed
Everything was rearranged
Dark gloom descended as
Light backed out the door.

I walked the halls
I bumped into walls
Feeling every misstep and mistake.

No longer willing
No longer able
I asked for your keys
Please put them on the table.

Folded clothes in drawers
Standing, staring at the dog
Bending down for his kiss
It is you I still miss.