I finished writing this at 4:06 this morning. I'm polishing it as I write now. I think I started it somewhere around 3:30am. What is happening with this election is sending people into a state of anxiety to the point that they are seeking professional help. I'm not the only one that is up at night thinking about it. Either are you.
How is this happening? We haven't grown at all. We are still living in caves.
If Hillary were a man, would we feel the same way?
How as a rude, pompastic, (Yes, it is a word - http://wordorium.blogspot.com/2005/03/pompastic.html) and CRAZY man that has NEVER served our country either in the military or by holding any kind of public office, gotten this far in the presidential election process?
What has happened in America that some people think he would make an excellent president when he cannot (1) properly prepare for the presidential debate believing bluster over facts and personality over substance was enough (2) respect the other candidate enough to allow her to voice her opinions and thoughts uninterrupted and (3) show a level of maturity beyond that of a sixteen year old boy?
What about the big decisions? War. Staying out of others' war. Not going to war. Not dropping nukes. Making nice with foreign powers. When things don't go his way will he take his ball and go home no longer willing to play because he's not winning the game and is angry? Will he roll his eyes at a foreign head of state? Will he tell a woman that represents her country that all he wants is for her to be happy? (And don't we all know that if a woman is bleeding from somewhere that that is impossible to make happen?)
We, as a country, will be unwittingly unfurling the mainsail and jib turning ourselves loose in the high winds of the open sea without an experienced captain on which to rely and look to for making wise decisions for OUR safety with each peril we meet.
Heart. He lacks heart. (I can't write his name. I just can't.) He lacks KINDNESS. He lacks a love for the American people. The roots of his poison run deep. Divide and conquer.
In our history, what presidential candidate has EVER behaved like this? NONE. So, who are we now? He stands before his followers in Canton, Ohio asking the audience who among them are not Christian Conservatives and will they make themselves known. He asks the crowd, "Should we keep them in the room?" This is NOT close to being funny. Divide and conquer.
The fact that not all of us are frightened by his behavior scares me. C'mon people. Americans! In the recent past we fought an unbalanced demonic dictator on foreign soil.(I have one in particular in mind but take your pick.) Will we have to do it at home as well?
Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts
Friday, September 30, 2016
Saturday, September 27, 2014
Counseling Saved My Life Twice
The first time I saw a therapist was because I was deeply clinically depressed. I was in my early thirties and could hardly function. It was only because of my two young children that I forced myself to get up in the morning and take care of them. I ended up separating from my husband and eventually divorcing him. But, I was still depressed. Now on my own with shared custody of the kids life became better and worse at the same time.
When a person is depressed, it is hard to accomplish anything. I had stayed at home with my kids to rear them and my husband was the breadwinner. After leaving him, I got a job as a receptionist and because I shown myself to be smart and capable, "other duties as assigned" became the norm as more and more work became a part of my responsibilities. I vividly remember sitting at the typewriter messing up an address on an envelope and my anger exploding. I could no longer deny that I really wasn't doing okay.
I found an LSMW that was part of a Christian organization that charged the hourly fee on a sliding scale. My charge for each visit was $5. That should give you an idea of why my salary was making it hard to make ends meet. I was reassured that religion was not a part of the therapy so I made my first appointment.
I found my way to the church and Elaine's office. I knocked on the door and a short old lady opened the door, smiled, and asked me to come in. This woman looked like my grandmother. How the hell was she supposed to help me? She ended up being probably the wisest woman I have ever known.
She said that I needed to see her twice a week and then as time went on we could discuss tapering off to once a week and then eventually I wouldn't need to see her at all. I had no experience with this type of thing so I didn't understand that this meant I was in a serious state. I agreed to it only thinking about how the $10 a week would impact my finances.
After a few sessions she suggested I go on an antidepressant. I balked. I can do this. I only need to figure it out. My brain power alone can do this. Elaine persisted and kept pointing out how the feelings I was expressing and the moments in my life that I shared with her all pointed to me needing to take medication. Plus, if I was able to figure this out why hadn't I already done it?
One very difficult afternoon I finally had to stop denying my need and accept her advice when I saw an image of myself in my head. I was at the edge of a precipice. It was very dark and very deep. I looked down into it and I knew if I let myself fall into it, I would never come back. I would go crazy and lose myself forever. I had been holding on to sanity by my fingernails for a while and was doing so because of my children. I had to admit the will to continue to be strong on my own would not last.
The next visit I had with Elaine, I told her what I saw and that I agreed with her - I needed an antidepressant. Even in the midst of my emotional pain and barely hanging on, I could see she was relieved. I can be a stubborn SOB so she had her work cut out for her and this must have given her such satisfaction and solace. The part of me that could still think straight realized she had been scared for me.
Elaine told me about her supervisor and how she is required to keep him abreast of her clients. He was a psychiatrist that could write scripts and he would await my call to see him.
When a person is depressed, it is hard to accomplish anything. I had stayed at home with my kids to rear them and my husband was the breadwinner. After leaving him, I got a job as a receptionist and because I shown myself to be smart and capable, "other duties as assigned" became the norm as more and more work became a part of my responsibilities. I vividly remember sitting at the typewriter messing up an address on an envelope and my anger exploding. I could no longer deny that I really wasn't doing okay.
I found an LSMW that was part of a Christian organization that charged the hourly fee on a sliding scale. My charge for each visit was $5. That should give you an idea of why my salary was making it hard to make ends meet. I was reassured that religion was not a part of the therapy so I made my first appointment.
I found my way to the church and Elaine's office. I knocked on the door and a short old lady opened the door, smiled, and asked me to come in. This woman looked like my grandmother. How the hell was she supposed to help me? She ended up being probably the wisest woman I have ever known.
She said that I needed to see her twice a week and then as time went on we could discuss tapering off to once a week and then eventually I wouldn't need to see her at all. I had no experience with this type of thing so I didn't understand that this meant I was in a serious state. I agreed to it only thinking about how the $10 a week would impact my finances.
After a few sessions she suggested I go on an antidepressant. I balked. I can do this. I only need to figure it out. My brain power alone can do this. Elaine persisted and kept pointing out how the feelings I was expressing and the moments in my life that I shared with her all pointed to me needing to take medication. Plus, if I was able to figure this out why hadn't I already done it?
One very difficult afternoon I finally had to stop denying my need and accept her advice when I saw an image of myself in my head. I was at the edge of a precipice. It was very dark and very deep. I looked down into it and I knew if I let myself fall into it, I would never come back. I would go crazy and lose myself forever. I had been holding on to sanity by my fingernails for a while and was doing so because of my children. I had to admit the will to continue to be strong on my own would not last.
The next visit I had with Elaine, I told her what I saw and that I agreed with her - I needed an antidepressant. Even in the midst of my emotional pain and barely hanging on, I could see she was relieved. I can be a stubborn SOB so she had her work cut out for her and this must have given her such satisfaction and solace. The part of me that could still think straight realized she had been scared for me.
Elaine told me about her supervisor and how she is required to keep him abreast of her clients. He was a psychiatrist that could write scripts and he would await my call to see him.
Friday, August 22, 2014
Sucker Punch
Insanity holds hands with hopelessness
And they dance inside my head
Prancing on reason and
Twirling on logic
They spin and twist and jump up and down on my brain.
Inwardly manic; Outwardly calm
Do you ever feel you are crazy the same way I do?
Emotion is driving the car next to the edge of the cliff
Logic is asleep in the trunk knocked out by a sucker punch.
And they dance inside my head
Prancing on reason and
Twirling on logic
They spin and twist and jump up and down on my brain.
Inwardly manic; Outwardly calm
Do you ever feel you are crazy the same way I do?
Emotion is driving the car next to the edge of the cliff
Logic is asleep in the trunk knocked out by a sucker punch.
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