I am an Introvert

I am introverted.  I talk only when I feel that what I have to say is something of substance.  I will add my input only when there is a large enough lull in the conversation as barging in with my two cents is uncomely.  I will make small talk when the situation forces me into it but am very uncomfortable doing so.  I usually end up kicking myself under the table because of the stupid things that Hai Karate themselves out of my mouth attacking the listener in the brain.  More often than not I walk away from the conversation feeling like a moron.

A couple of years ago I was talking with a co-worker and he started to chuckle.  As far as I knew nothing funny was said so I asked him about it.  He very bluntly stated, "You are Sheldon."  For those of you that watch The Big Bang Theory, this needs no explanation.  For those of you that don't watch the show, Google it.

It's weird.  Half of the population thinks I am charming and gets a kick out of me.  The other half are offended by me.  I am actually much less introverted than I used to be.  As a teenager, in social situations it was hard for anyone to get two sentences out of me.  As a young adult, when I went out on my first date with my soon to be husband, he carried the whole conversation all night.  As an adult, I find that I gravitate towards the more outgoing and forthright individuals as they allow me to be me without thinking that I hate them.  I think these types of people find me soothing to be around because while at times I may be a horrible talker, I am always an excellent listener.  Just don't abuse my ears or my patience because while I can be quiet, it doesn't mean I am enthralled or, to the contrary, not being thoughtful, analytic, and empathetic.  Quoting a friend, "Don't let this dumb look on my face fool you."

In a world where being outgoing, friendly, and the life of the party is extolled, us introverts get a bad rap.  Our quietness can be intimidating, unnerving, and misunderstood.  Oppositely, we find those that jump on tables and swing from the ceiling fans gives us cause for burrowing even deeper into our protective shell.

Lastly, please don't confuse introversion with being shy.  I have no problem walking up to you, shaking hands, and introducing myself.  I am unafraid of being judged.  I just find large social situations to be way too stimulating.  For further information on the difference, please click on this link:

http://www.thepowerofintroverts.com/2011/07/05/are-you-shy-introverted-both-or-neither-and-why-does-it-matter/

I once lamented to a friend that I wished I could be more extroverted.  She said to me, "If we all were talkers, who would be there to listen?"

Now let's all channel Julie Andrews and sing, "Getting to know you, getting to know all about you, getting to like you, getting to hope you like me....."

Aunt Audrey

Tomorrow my sister Eve, my mother, and I are driving down south to the East Coast to join my cousins and others to say our final farewell to my Aunt Audrey.  I don't know how else to put it except there was an affinity, an understanding, between my aunt and I.

 

Growing up she wasn't my only aunt and even though she lived the furthest away whenever I had the opportunity to spend time with her I always felt the most comfortable and accepted by her.  She laughed the easiest and had a way of making light of situations that instead of making me feel belittled for feeling so heavy I felt the load ease up and saw that maybe I was just a smidgen too serious about the whole thing.  Even though she was no pushover she never made me feel that I was any less when my introverted ways seemingly held me back.  She accepted me and didn't try to change me.  She challenged my thinking by talking to me and putt out other perspectives in front of me.  She knew I would think about what she said and make an informed decision that would be mine.  

 

So, I loved her not only because she was my mother's sister or my cousins' mother but because of how she loved me.  She knew she always had a place in my heart and I knew I was loved by her.

 

Goodbye, Aunt Audrey.  I'll see you again.