As I turn 57

It's hard for me to believe that I am so close to being 60. Three more years (throws a pinch of salt over my left shoulder). Every year around my birthday I write about changes in my life - and the things that have remained the same.

Here is what is the same:

1. I continue to get excellent reports regarding the thyroid cancer that was originally diagnosed in 2005. It remains undetectable. 
2. I've got a fantastic job at a fantastic organization. What we do at CAN saves people's lives. 
3. I still live in the same house in the same neighborhood. It still scares for my visitors to get out of their car and walk to my door.
4. I remain single.

Here is what has changed:

1. I adopted Lolly January 3rd. To know her is to love her. The Jack Russell part of her makes her a spring-loaded lunatic sometimes but that is part of her *cough* charm. Her emotional scars from the life she had continue to heal. Trusting is still a challenge for her but for now she only growls at me every so often when I kiss her. 
2. I earned a promotion at work. Always a good thing.
3. I've let my hair grow. It's past my shoulders and I like it. I also like putting it in pigtails and braids. No, I am not too old for that.
4. While I continue to live with a few changes that are products of the closed head injury I suffered a few years ago, I am comfortable with who I am. My short term memory is back and my mind doesn't feel dull anymore. 

I want to delve further into item #4 in the what is the same category. I am still single. It is my wish to be part of a pair but I want to talk to you about a topic related to it.

I have had 4 serious relationships. All of them except for 1, (He might be living on the streets or dead, for all I know. His drinking ruined his life so I don't count him.), circled back to me to say the same thing in one form or another:

1. He was responsible for 95% of the problems we had.
2. He was an idiot. Didn't know what he had. Would treat me differently now. Please take him back. I was the best thing that happened in his life.
3. He wasn't ready. It was premature of him to start a relationship. He's back now and wants me to start anew with him. I was the best thing since sliced bread.

It is uncanny! For the sake of argument, this is 3 out of 3. Inside of these relationships, each man was forced to look at themselves and then make life altering decisions. Move forward with me and learn life's lessons or lose me and remain stuck in the muck. I ended the relationships and it was later that they woke up, but at the time, I was the one hurting.

I am not a serial dater. I couldn't be if I wanted to! There aren't that many available single men living in the area that are in my age group. So, I am single.

When I really think about this, there is a work experience that relates to this subject. I helped get a business off the ground. As a matter of fact, I was the first employee hired. Four years later, the owner, contemplating a hiring decision, came to me to ask my opinion. I told him not to do it and why. He disagreed and moved forward. He thought she would bring in a lot of money and grow the company. I ended up being pushed out and she took over. Eventually, she ended up leaving him and his business high and dry while he was on vacation with his family and took with her over half of the company's clients. He never had her sign a contract. That part of the company ended up closing.

After that all went down, I saw his wife at a continuing education seminar and we talked. She said he was so sorry for what happened, he should have listened to me, and would I call him? I told her I was not going to call him. If he wanted to talk to me, that is fine but he would have to call me. She begged me to call him. I didn't. Neither did he.

As I run head on into 57, I finally have the great job at the great company. I'm ready for the relationship.