What are you doing right now?

If you are still mad at someone, your feelings are still hurt. It is when you have let go that you won't feel anything but peace.

I know that letting go means you have to give up the connection and feelings associated with this person. Joys or heartbreaks. It doesn't matter.  Do you want peace? Then let go of self-righteousness, too. How does one let go? One lives in the present. Every time you allow your thoughts to grind in the past, you are back there! No one but you is being tortured.

So - let go. Even though the past might be easier and the future is unknown. We do have the present. What are you doing right now?

Making the Hard Decisions

I believe that there are a few consequential turning points in a person's life where major decisions are forced upon us. Sometimes we don't even know it is a major decision until afterward. Sometimes it is glaringly obvious if we decide to go one way, the other way will be lost forever.

When they come around, how does one know how to make the best decision? Will we allow fear to guide us? How about the folly of youth? Or are we just gun ho pedal-to-the-metal throwing caution to the wind? Will we walk forward with our minds and hearts engaged together or one leading, trampling over the others' voice? Will we take a spiritual stance? Or a staunch theological one?

It is a chess game. We can try to forecast the outcome, run the odds, accept input from others, and base our next move on our past. Sometimes it is as easy as listening to your instincts.

Crossroads can change a person's life forever. We can kick at the corners, scream at the sky, pound on our chests, and cry. We can relish the happiness of the path we picked. No matter, this is the outcome of what we chose. The path will eventually branch out again and when it does what will we do?

Will we be wiser or just mad that we are expected to plan our future again? Will we realize that sometimes shit happens no matter what we do? Fate. Destiny. Karma. All we control is ourselves.

You have done the best you could. Now go do greater.

Rose and Jeff Continued

Jeff could always tell when she was thinking back to the time she nearly lost herself completely.  It made him sad when she did but he would never show her that.  He was her rock and he knew that.  He also knew that she felt guilty about still wanting him to be strong even when facing the prospect of his own mortality.  He wanted her and loved her and needed her as much as he needed to breath.  He knew that she knew but neither one wanted to say it aloud for fear of jinxing the world they created together.

Stained with Red

I never asked you to change for me, to make my life better.  I thought it all would come naturally and a little of it did but it didn't last.  How can I know you if you don't know yourself?  The evil twins and their handmaiden surrounded you.  Your past clung to you like a dying man to a stick in the water wanting to use you to keep it alive.

How is it that my heart still bleeds for you?  For you?  I don't even know you.  The real you.  How is it that the pain of loss is still alive?  I keep thinking I have pulled the knife out only to look down and discover it is still there.  Just a little messier.  The handle a little more stained with red.

And Still

And still
It is no more
We are no more
Waiting for the memories to fade
From sharp to dull
Waiting for the distance to grow
From close to far
Waiting for the pain to cease
From wicked to sweet

I turn my head to the past
Looking back and seeing
What lacked.

I turn my head to the fore
Looking ahead and seeing
What?  More?

Inside room is made
For the music of rest
As Healing knits and sews
Weaves soft light
Into the fabric of my soul.

Alone with Time
Time for the rest
For the peace
So that forward becomes
Now
With a wholeness
A fullness
Awash in cool waters
Springing from the union
Of equality, peace, love, and
Harmony
Understanding, knowing, seeing
Time will bring it.
A bouquet of flowers in a basket.
Time will know
When to let the water flow.