Over the 4th of July weekend I joined eHarmony. It was free so I figured what have I got to lose? As it turns out, I have lost some money and some contentment.
I ended up shelling out some cash because otherwise I could not see my matches' pictures. What the hell?! How would I know if I am reading information about a Boris Karloff lookalike or Ryan Gosling's twin? Looks aren't everything but they are something.
My next question is...can these men really be this active? They play golf and tennis and that is when they are not kayaking or working out. They are sailing and fishing and that is after they have just finished riding their motorcycle from coast to coast. They love day trips and jetting off to Europe is a terrific getaway. I know I am introverted and that kind of curtails activities that involve a lot of other people, but this all is making my head spin. They love to make everyone laugh, they are great with their finances, and if they weren't so busy making their nearly adult or adult children the center of their attention they would have already cured HIV.
When I finally walk in the door after a long day at work and the commute, I am greeted by the two cats and the dog. I pick up Poppy who is hopping around wildly and while I am being treated to kisses, kisses, and licks I more often than not make a straight path to the bathroom where Poppy is put back on the floor. Having finished taking care of me, I take the Popster for a walk. That takes about 20 minutes. Once back in the house, all of the critters are fed. After that, I do whatever cleaning up is needed and then I think about dinner for myself. Maybe I can start to relax between 7:30 and 8:00 pm. I am exhausted and just want to put my feet up.
On the weekends I am running errands, doing laundry, cleaning the house if I can motivate myself, and giving some time to my mother. There are pockets of time for the beach and a movie. Maybe here again I run my life differently because I am an introvert. I have to have down time. I can only recharge that way. If I could find a friggin dominoes player I would love to do that but there aren't any dominoes groups that I can find and I have looked. What is my passion, you ask? Writing. I love to write. Now there is an activity everyone can enjoy doing together.
So, back to these men. When I have talked about this to friends and relatives they ask me if I really think they do all the stuff they say they do. Just because I am an honest person doesn't mean everyone else is and I so often forget that. It is not surprising to me that just one man since I joined that holiday weekend has contacted me. At the same time, it was stressing me out!
Phooey on that. I am so Type A and goal orientated that I had to take a step back and force this into perspective. If no one reaches out to me, then so be it. If no one gives me an online smile back to the one I send, then...so be it. If I never meet anyone through this mother effing website, then so be it!
Wednesday, July 23, 2014
Tuesday, July 15, 2014
Intervention
I do a lot of driving because I live so far away from where I work and because I am the only employee that lives in Sarasota or "in town" as they Myakkans would say, I usually am the one that runs errands.
Last Friday afternoon I was doing just that. I had left work early as I had an appointment to have some blood drawn for medication level testing. My first stop was the accountant's office to drop off June's books so that they could work on them. I had run my distance and I was passing the baton to them.
It was a typical summer afternoon with plenty of rain, thunder, and lightening. For those that have never experienced one of Florida's summer afternoon storms, they are torrential. There is no soft pitter-patter of tiny droplets that dance from the sky and land gently to the ground. These are fierce globules of water that have formed gangs and race to the ground to pummel it. It comes down in buckets; it comes down in sheets. A film of water forms on the surface of roads daring drivers to hydroplane. It was raining like this on my way to the accountant's office. I arrived there safely, said hello, dropped off the thumb drive, and left.
When an opening in the traffic allowed, I pulled back into the 3-lane road and found a good spot in the middle lane. It wasn't raining as hard as it had been just a few minutes ago and I could comfortably set my wipers to lazy intermittent. I saw up ahead that the traffic in the right lane stopped to leave a space for a driver to pull into. Instead, this crazy man who apparently does not cherish life whipped out from in between the cars and drove across my lane and the left lane of oncoming traffic. As I looked in my rear view mirror, all I had time to do was break hard and hope that I wasn't rear-ended . That shouldn't have been my only concern because suddenly to my left I saw a white car that must have been going faster than me and unlike me didn't have the warning of a possible situation. As I watched the white car slide closer and closer to my beloved Taurus, I was waiting to hear metal against metal, to feel my car shudder as it was hit. Instead I saw an incredible thing.
Are you familiar with marshmallow fluff? Here's a picture of jar of it and next to that is a picture of what mother's in the 1960s used to consider a healthy sandwich.
Last Friday afternoon I was doing just that. I had left work early as I had an appointment to have some blood drawn for medication level testing. My first stop was the accountant's office to drop off June's books so that they could work on them. I had run my distance and I was passing the baton to them.
It was a typical summer afternoon with plenty of rain, thunder, and lightening. For those that have never experienced one of Florida's summer afternoon storms, they are torrential. There is no soft pitter-patter of tiny droplets that dance from the sky and land gently to the ground. These are fierce globules of water that have formed gangs and race to the ground to pummel it. It comes down in buckets; it comes down in sheets. A film of water forms on the surface of roads daring drivers to hydroplane. It was raining like this on my way to the accountant's office. I arrived there safely, said hello, dropped off the thumb drive, and left.
When an opening in the traffic allowed, I pulled back into the 3-lane road and found a good spot in the middle lane. It wasn't raining as hard as it had been just a few minutes ago and I could comfortably set my wipers to lazy intermittent. I saw up ahead that the traffic in the right lane stopped to leave a space for a driver to pull into. Instead, this crazy man who apparently does not cherish life whipped out from in between the cars and drove across my lane and the left lane of oncoming traffic. As I looked in my rear view mirror, all I had time to do was break hard and hope that I wasn't rear-ended . That shouldn't have been my only concern because suddenly to my left I saw a white car that must have been going faster than me and unlike me didn't have the warning of a possible situation. As I watched the white car slide closer and closer to my beloved Taurus, I was waiting to hear metal against metal, to feel my car shudder as it was hit. Instead I saw an incredible thing.
Are you familiar with marshmallow fluff? Here's a picture of jar of it and next to that is a picture of what mother's in the 1960s used to consider a healthy sandwich.
See how the fluff is oozing out of the sandwich? That is what I saw in between the white car and me. It was like there was fluff smashed between our two cars prohibiting the collision that never was.
The driver of the white car eventually stopped and I pulled up next to him and rolled down my window. He then rolled down is passenger side window and we looked at each other. He was a handsome late thirties early forties man that was in shock. The conversation made up of one liners went like this:
He shouted over to me, "Did I hit you?"
"No, you didn't."
"I didn't hit you?"
"No."
"He pulled out in front of traffic!"
"Yes, I know."
"I can't believe I didn't hit anyone."
"Yes, I know."
"I can't believe he did that."
"Yes, I know."
I couldn't expand my vocabulary because the man just kept talking. I confirmed for him that everyone and everything was OK and we both drove on.
It is not up for debate whether I saw the fluff protecting our cars. The point is...is that he and I both could not believe there wasn't an accident. Divine intervention? The Universe deciding in a split second it wasn't time for this now? Guardian angels? Take your pick. It did happen. Fluff rules.
Saturday, July 12, 2014
What Could Have Been Wasn't
If I cry one more tear for you
I will have to beat myself up
Until my eyes are swollen shut
And I have blood dripping from my ears.
If I think of you one more time
I will perform the surgery on my own brain
With a sharp knife I can cut out that piece that remembers
And with it gone I can again be whole.
What could have been wasn't
And I will never go back
My ankles would have to turn
So that my feet faced behind me.
The melody is fainter
The road grows smaller in my rear view mirror
I left the party after I fell
When you twirled me and let go.
I will have to beat myself up
Until my eyes are swollen shut
And I have blood dripping from my ears.
If I think of you one more time
I will perform the surgery on my own brain
With a sharp knife I can cut out that piece that remembers
And with it gone I can again be whole.
What could have been wasn't
And I will never go back
My ankles would have to turn
So that my feet faced behind me.
The melody is fainter
The road grows smaller in my rear view mirror
I left the party after I fell
When you twirled me and let go.
Saturday, July 5, 2014
Beautiful Soul
Saturday is my day to run errands. I plot my route like an air traffic controller keeping in mind all of the different needs and details each stop requires along with one eye on gas usage. Going to the grocery store 99.9% of the time is my final destination before home.
Since Winn Dixie has great ground beef, prices, and gas rewards, I shop there. Winn Dixie has wider aisles and less tumult than Publix. The cement floor is homely and the clientele watch their pennies.
One of my hangups is I cannot grocery shop comfortably when a store is crowded. I get anxious to the point where I will forego picking up everything on my list just to get the hell out of there. The anxiety sometimes makes me feel like I can't breath so I will do the "Can I live without this item until I go again?" thing in my head. If I can, boom! It is added to my next grocery store list and I am released from the torture sooner rather than later.
Today there were very few people shopping and I was in my own little world of indecision as I stared at the meat prices matching up which of what was on sale and which of what was buy 1/get 1 free when I felt someone looking at me. I stood up and looked behind me to my right and saw a young woman maybe in her mid twenties. She had her straight light brown hair cut short and was pretty. Her left hand was bent at the wrist in an unnatural position and she held onto the cart with that along with her right hand. I noticed her stance was off kilter, too. I smiled at her and she smiled back. "Am I in your way," I asked. It wouldn't have surprised me if I was as I become oblivious to my surroundings when deep in thought. She replied, "No" clearly enough that I could understand her. That was the final clue that she probably had cerebral palsy or something similar. I smiled again and once again she smiled back but there was more that was unspoken. I was treating her as I would anyone else. I was showing her respect one person for another; I was not transmitting pity or averting my eyes.
There was an older woman about 6 feet away from the young lady looking at the cold food items and I figured it was her mother. She wore the same no-nonsense clothing and haircut. Even though they were not near each other or talking, I sensed a strong bond between them. As the daughter grew, the mother allowed her her own space. The mother had to decide a long time ago how she should behave when it came to caring for her child when she became an adult. By the way they both respected each other, it was clear they had worked out a healthy balance between hovering and independence.
I went back to concentrating on what I should buy and eventually we passed each other. I met the daughter's eyes one last time. After they both were behind me I turned around and saw that because her right leg was shorter than her left she walked on her tip-toes on her right foot.
There was something very beautiful about the young lady. Maybe I was seeing her soul as it touched my soul. To me she glided over the floor. I would have like to have talked to her. While the muscular dystrophy reeked havoc with her body, her spirit was not disfigured. It was gentle. In my mind I untwisted her limbs and unfroze her tongue.
Since Winn Dixie has great ground beef, prices, and gas rewards, I shop there. Winn Dixie has wider aisles and less tumult than Publix. The cement floor is homely and the clientele watch their pennies.
One of my hangups is I cannot grocery shop comfortably when a store is crowded. I get anxious to the point where I will forego picking up everything on my list just to get the hell out of there. The anxiety sometimes makes me feel like I can't breath so I will do the "Can I live without this item until I go again?" thing in my head. If I can, boom! It is added to my next grocery store list and I am released from the torture sooner rather than later.
Today there were very few people shopping and I was in my own little world of indecision as I stared at the meat prices matching up which of what was on sale and which of what was buy 1/get 1 free when I felt someone looking at me. I stood up and looked behind me to my right and saw a young woman maybe in her mid twenties. She had her straight light brown hair cut short and was pretty. Her left hand was bent at the wrist in an unnatural position and she held onto the cart with that along with her right hand. I noticed her stance was off kilter, too. I smiled at her and she smiled back. "Am I in your way," I asked. It wouldn't have surprised me if I was as I become oblivious to my surroundings when deep in thought. She replied, "No" clearly enough that I could understand her. That was the final clue that she probably had cerebral palsy or something similar. I smiled again and once again she smiled back but there was more that was unspoken. I was treating her as I would anyone else. I was showing her respect one person for another; I was not transmitting pity or averting my eyes.
There was an older woman about 6 feet away from the young lady looking at the cold food items and I figured it was her mother. She wore the same no-nonsense clothing and haircut. Even though they were not near each other or talking, I sensed a strong bond between them. As the daughter grew, the mother allowed her her own space. The mother had to decide a long time ago how she should behave when it came to caring for her child when she became an adult. By the way they both respected each other, it was clear they had worked out a healthy balance between hovering and independence.
I went back to concentrating on what I should buy and eventually we passed each other. I met the daughter's eyes one last time. After they both were behind me I turned around and saw that because her right leg was shorter than her left she walked on her tip-toes on her right foot.
There was something very beautiful about the young lady. Maybe I was seeing her soul as it touched my soul. To me she glided over the floor. I would have like to have talked to her. While the muscular dystrophy reeked havoc with her body, her spirit was not disfigured. It was gentle. In my mind I untwisted her limbs and unfroze her tongue.
Tuesday, July 1, 2014
See-Saw
Sometimes it feels like we are this close to living our lives like those on "The Jetsons" until something happens that makes us feel like we are back to "The Flintstones".
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