Jailer

I woke up with a need so great.
An animal caught in a trap
Blood dripping down the iron cage walls
Trying to claw my way out.

Looking through the bars
For the face of my jailer
The only one that can set me free
From the gouge I have made
From pacing, pacing, pacing.

I can hear the keys now
Jingle jangle hitting his hip
As he walks down the hall
To free me from my cage.

I will be his.  Hurry.

Giving Up

Giving up is the beginning of freedom.
Dying to want is the beginning of love.
Letting go is the beginning of living.

It is not by my hand that I shall live.
Although I have considered it, it is not by my hand I shall die.
If I run alongside the river of truth
I will always know my path.

Each day when the flag is lowered and taps is played
Each night when my head rests upon my pillow
I will be done for that day.
I shall not carry the worst or the best to bed with me as they will rot
And I do not wish to entangle myself between the sheets with what is done and gone.

When my bare feet touch the floor
While the birds of the morn are calling
I will lean forward into the new day
To practice.  To maybe get it right.

It's Official - I'm Divorced! And so is the cat.

June 21st, ladies and gentlemen.  That's the date of my divorce.  I am happy to be free.  Happy that that time of my life is finally over.  Sad that it came to that.  Drinking ruined the man and the marriage.  It rots a person from the inside out and then pushes out from the drinker's pores to drip and fall all over those within close proximity poisoning on contact.  It eats through the skin as effectively as acid burning and eroding the tender flesh leaving exposed that which should be protected.

Each day the reality of it becomes more real to me and I have to smile and do a happy dance...on the inside.  I don't want to scare people by doing my own improvisational interpretation of joy in public.

As I'm sitting here at the dining room table writing I look up and see my other cat, Senator, lounging on the back of the living room couch.  I got him back from the ex about 2 weeks ago.  Having Senator back is just another thing to add to my list of happy.  I have a wonderful friend/classmate that did me the biggest favor by negotiating the details with the ex while she was up in Maryland for a wedding.  She got the cat, bought him the proper carrier in which to fly him, took care of him, made him feel safe through the process, and then at 12:30 in the morning coordinated with me to hand him off.  She and her mom gave me something that cannot be given a monetary value.

Senator came back to me overweight, shedding, his coat shabby and sprinkled with dandruff, and without the personality that prompted me to name him Senator.  His beauty was marred.  I am glad to report that his coat is getting back its sheen and elegance.  He has already lost 1.5 pounds and not because I have limited his food intake - he has done that himself.  Eating is no longer a substitute for what was missing.  The most glorious part is that his personality has resurfaced and he is back to walking around like a pompous fool.  He also came back to me with a very bad habit of yowling incessantly in the middle of the night.  That has stopped, too. No need for it.

So, Senator and I are both now free from what haunted us.  He and I are content now.  Come to think of it, I'm not yowling in the middle of the night anymore, either.