How is this happening?

I finished writing this at 4:06 this morning. I'm polishing it as I write now. I think I started it somewhere around 3:30am. What is happening with this election is sending people into a state of anxiety to the point that they are seeking professional help. I'm not the only one that is up at night thinking about it. Either are you.

How is this happening? We haven't grown at all. We are still living in caves.

If Hillary were a man, would we feel the same way?

How as a rude, pompastic, (Yes, it is a word - http://wordorium.blogspot.com/2005/03/pompastic.html) and CRAZY man that has NEVER served our country either in the military or by holding any kind of public office, gotten this far in the presidential election process?

What has happened in America that some people think he would make an excellent president when he cannot (1) properly prepare for the presidential debate believing bluster over facts and personality over substance was enough (2) respect the other candidate enough to allow her to voice her opinions and thoughts uninterrupted and (3) show a level of maturity beyond that of a sixteen year old boy?

What about the big decisions? War. Staying out of others' war. Not going to war. Not dropping nukes. Making nice with foreign powers. When things don't go his way will he take his ball and go home no longer willing to play because he's not winning the game and is angry? Will he roll his eyes at a foreign head of state? Will he tell a woman that represents her country that all he wants is for her to be happy? (And don't we all know that if a woman is bleeding from somewhere that that is impossible to make happen?)

We, as a country, will be unwittingly unfurling the mainsail and jib turning ourselves loose in the high winds of the open sea without an experienced captain on which to rely and look to for making wise decisions for OUR safety with each peril we meet.

Heart. He lacks heart. (I can't write his name. I just can't.) He lacks KINDNESS. He lacks a love for the American people. The roots of his poison run deep. Divide and conquer.

In our history, what presidential candidate has EVER behaved like this? NONE. So, who are we now? He stands before his followers in Canton, Ohio asking the audience who among them are not Christian Conservatives and will they make themselves known. He asks the crowd, "Should we keep them in the room?" This is NOT close to being funny. Divide and conquer.

The fact that not all of us are frightened by his behavior scares me. C'mon people. Americans! In the recent past we fought an unbalanced demonic dictator on foreign soil.(I have one in particular in mind but take your pick.) Will we have to do it at home as well?

Waiting for my Pal

Standing at the edge
Waiting for my pal
Feeling like it will happen
Any any minute.

Hand waiting for hand
The touch not yet
But still feels so real
Waiting for my pal.

The dessert to my dinner
As I will be for you
Vegetables studiously eaten
The finale of the final.

Waiting for my pal
My pal is ready, too
The paths are near the fork
The intersection of lives.

The Universe aglow
Bright yellow light
Rays spreading out
Waiting for my pal.

I Know What I Want

"There were so many things that were right. It was perfect except for..." I made the mental list in my head as I had done before - after I ended it. I laid in bed having woken up an hour and forty-five minutes too early. Pulling Poppy up to me from his favorite spot near my knees, I snuggled up with him.  I knew I had used that phrase before. "It was perfect except for [fill in the blank as appropriate to each relationship]. 

It was perfect except for when he drank.

It was perfect except for when he used drugs.

It was perfect except for when he brought up his ex.

The thing is, I learned so much from each of these men. I learned about life, about human behavior, about addiction to the bottle, the pill, and another person. (Yes, I believe we can be addicted to people that aren't good for us.) All negative attachments that for their own reasons these men carried on their backs and in their hearts.

I also learned about me and I grew and I changed. I became healthier; I became more "me" for having known these men. They weren't always easy lessons. As a matter of fact, some were heartbreaking. But, it was worth it and I am not sorry about them.

For the longest time I didn't understand the concept of love. Why did we look for love? Why is it natural for some but not for all to want a mate? Occam's Razor, people. It really isn't that complicated. This is how we were designed.

Now I am solid, healthy, and happy. I recognize the signs. I know who I am, what I want and I am being patient. I am doing my utmost to walk in love and not in fear.

It is still dark in my bedroom. I pull Poppy close and kiss his sweet head. I feel full. I know what I want.

What are you doing right now?

If you are still mad at someone, your feelings are still hurt. It is when you have let go that you won't feel anything but peace.

I know that letting go means you have to give up the connection and feelings associated with this person. Joys or heartbreaks. It doesn't matter.  Do you want peace? Then let go of self-righteousness, too. How does one let go? One lives in the present. Every time you allow your thoughts to grind in the past, you are back there! No one but you is being tortured.

So - let go. Even though the past might be easier and the future is unknown. We do have the present. What are you doing right now?