Vanity

And when you look up at the stars, what do you see?  Do you see unending galaxies and universes and lives that are lived far far away?  Do you see your destiny?  Do you see that you are a mere speck, a teeny dot on a small planet?

I used to fly to Florida on average 2 times a year.  I miss it, in a way.  It was a luxury.  I could get away from the usual and be free.  Part of what I miss seeing is the earth from above.  Above the clouds.  Above the weather.  Above daily cares.  There is no turbulence at that height.

Life's perspective is different from above.  No streets.  No people.  The first time I watched the beginning of the movie Contact, I held my breath.  At least it felt that way.  I watched myself pulled backward further and further and further away from Earth my perspective changing and my mind forced into continually adjusting.

We are so small and look at the havoc our small selves are able to create. Horrible atrocities are manifested in the name of some god.  Why is it easier to live in fear than walk in love?

I have theories but no answers.

Slow down.  Take the time to drift up.  No matter what life is like now, it won't always be this way be it better, be it worse, or just different.  All you control is what you do now.  When you make peace with that, your perspective changes.

Time

The soreness and the pain
Must be worth the strain
To make the future better
To make the future last

The sadness and the tears
Pushing down the fears
To make the future better
To make the future last

Learning to be in the now
Shoulders heavy as I plow
To make the future better
To make the future last

Dancing to the music
Sometimes feeling sick
The crowd disperses
Dizzy, yelling curses
Raising my fist
Rage, feeling pist

Ending with exhaustion
Acceptance is my station
To make the future better
To make the future last

Let go. I said let go!

Learning to let go is proving to be a lesson I keep circling back to and each time I do so I want to kick my own ass for forgetting that I need to do it!  Life is so much simpler when one lets go.  I don't need to control everything.  Life does not fall apart if I don't orchestrate it.  

There is a horseback riding term called "giving the horse his/her head".  When a rider does this, the rider loosens the reigns so that the horse, instead of being directed by the rider, directs itself.  In sticky situations a rider will allow the horse to guide them through.  The rider recognizes when this is necessary and at the appropriate time takes the reigns back.  I need to learn to recognize under what circumstances it is right to loosen or tighten my grip.

Letting go doesn't mean not taking responsibility.  It doesn't mean I don't have to do anything or make any decisions.  It does mean that I don't always have to be the band leader coordinating the instruments so that they are playing the same tune that is echoing inside my head.  I don't always have to be right.  Letting go isn't hard when I remind myself that when I do it I am less burdened, less stressed, more at peace, and the sound of gears grinding ceases. 

Letting go means acknowledging that the other person is right.....and I am not.  Oh, how that bruises my ego but on the other hand why would I think I should always be right?  Who is always right?  That's another burden from which I need to be released.  Why did I create all of these obnoxiously impossible rules for me to follow?  I don't need them anymore.

I've been carrying around a whole bunch of unnecessary tools in my tool belt and with each step they were either banging into one of my thighs, pressing into my waist, or tripping me up.  I'm working towards detaching each troublesome tool and tossing it behind me as I go so that as I move forward it is forever in my past.